Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't think brook has ever known best
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
