I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
