I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
