i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
