Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
