We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
