I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
