so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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