my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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