he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
