Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
