Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
