Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
