Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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