Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is it penis luge time yet?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
