She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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