My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
