Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
