You smell like stripper and shame
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
