Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We are two peas in an std pod
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
