I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
