I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
