the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
