I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
