Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
