The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
