I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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