My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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