found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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