DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
