i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
