i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
