Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
