Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
