Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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