I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
