You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
