i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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