That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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