So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
