I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
