She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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