Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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