someone threw a dead crab at me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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