I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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