sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
