You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
