sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
