So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
