Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
