don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
