Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm really busy with my period
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